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A Voice In the Wilderness
by Dr. Loran W, Helm
   
All rights reservered    EVANGEL VOICE MISSIONS     Used by permission
   

Chapters:

  1.  Why Don't Men Obey God?
  2.  My Father
  3.  Narrow Escapes From Death
  4.  My Mother
  5.  My Father's Conversion
  6.  God First Speaks
  7.  Tithing Opens The Way
  8.  Childlike Faith
  9.  A Child's Prayer
10.  Parental Discipline
11.  Conversion
12.  First Obedience
13.  Jesus Reveals My Companion
14.  Sanctification
15.  Our First Pastorate
16.  "Come With Me, Son..."
17.  "...And Perfect Will Of God"
18.  Ordination
19.  Baptized With The Holy Spirit
20.  The Calling
21.  Spiritual Burdens
22.  Leaving All
23.  Waiting On God
24.  Home Built By Faith
25.  Warning From A Watchman
26.  The Beginning

           26 THE BEGINNING 

"Then Jesus said to His disciples, if any one desires to be My disciple, let him deny himself--that is, disregard, lose sight of and forget himself and his own in- terests--and take up his cross and follow Me (cleave steadily to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and if need be in dying, also.) --Matthew 16:24 (Amplified) This book has not been written to draw attention to myself, nor has it been compiled primarily to inspire God's people. It has been created only at the direction of the Holy Spirit to be a Voice Crying in today's Wilderness of religious thought and practice. It is a call away from the popular religious forms, away from the competing calls of denominational churches, away from the claims of all earthly ties. It is the same cry that has distinguished all of God's servants through the centuries. It was the message of Jesus Himself: "Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand." Every true man of God has called for individuals to prepare for the Heavenly Kingdom. And God's Kingdom on this earth is simply His will being done by those of us in earth, as Jesus clearly told us when He taught His disciples to pray: "Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth, as it is in Heaven." God's "Kingdom come" equals His "will ...done in earth as it is in Heaven." You may remember that the first message God gave me after calling me to leave everything in 1941 was Romans 12:1,2: "I beseech you therefore brethren, by the mercies of

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God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good,and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."
He was leading me from the wilderness of man's finest and most earnest attempts of religious service to that rarely experienced realm of God's perfect will. Jesus consistently demonstrated that God wanted more than legal fulfilment of duty. He desired to walk with men and lead them according to His own plans and wishes. Even the divine Son of God did not do His own will while on this earth--He submitted joyfully and continually to His Father's will. This, then, is Christ-likeness: to actually do God's will. This is what it really means to be a Christian: to actually do what God directs. As we read of the first Christians in the book of Acts we are made conscious of how earnestly they sought the leadership of the Holy Spirit before they moved along a specific path of action. When we note how often the Holy Spirit gave them literal instructions, it becomes obvious that much of the intimate fellowship with Jesus in the Person of the Holy Ghost has been lost from our present-day Christianity. These early Christians were true followers of Jesus in the Person of the Holy Spirit. In these nearly thirty-years of walking with God He has made it increasingly clear to my heart that His desires and His requirements for His followers have not changed. Every man or woman, boy or girl, who claims Jesus as Saviour must likewise press on to experience Him as the absolute Lord of his life. Conversion is only the very beginning in the Christian life, like unto a newborn infant's first little cry. We then begin the adventure and high privilege of walking with Jesus: going where He goes, stopping where He stops, speaking what He speaks, holding silence when He is silent. We are to learn to actually follow Him day by day.
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But dearly beloved--God has revealed to my heart that seldom in all the ages have men done this. Rarely have persons pressed on from conversion to learn how to walk with Jesus, how to hear the Spirit's voice, how to learn His checks and His guidances. To follow someone's instructions, you must first receive the instructions. The great missing link in Christianity through the ages is simply this: we have not learned how to get our instructions from God. We have failed to discern God's will. We have forgotten that God has His own ideas and His own plans and have gone along with our own conceptions of how His Kingdom should be run. Terrible to say, but either by choice or by ignorance we have said with our lives concerning Jesus: "We will not have this man to be King over us!" We have instead chosen to be our own rulers. We have become the architects of our own tragically crippled "Kingdom of God." This is why the power of God does not operate in our midst. We have not waited to receive His instruction and have wandered along a path that seemed right but which proceeded from an earthly origin, not a heavenly one. Only what God leads will stand in Judgment. Only those things begun in the Holy Ghost will reach into Eternity. Any and everything begun in the flesh, no matter how beautiful or apparently sacred, cannot please God. The Word tells us that "they that are in the flesh cannot please God." Can we hear that? --the flesh cannot please God! Jesus was the only man who ever pleased God the Father entirely. And it is still His Son alone who pleases God today. It is only the life of the Son of God living in us that can please God. And Jesus lives in us and dwells in us only as we do His will. It is very simple. Jesus makes this clear when He tells us in Matthew 7:21: "Not everyone that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the Kingdom of Heaven: but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in Heaven. " Now Jesus Himself tells us this. He informs us that we will not enter Heaven unless we have done the Father's will!
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My loved one--and I love each one of you reading this book with the divine love of Jesus in my heart--can we possibly begin to grasp the tremendous seriousness of what Jesus is telling us? He is saying without question that to truly belong to Him we must actually do God's will. We must learn what He wants and follow His directions. We must in actual, everyday life follow the living Lord Jesus Christ. We must learn how to hear the voice of Jesus that we might receive our instructions. You see, to actually be a follower of Jesus is much more than just having a conversion experience and thinking that is all we need to make it to Heaven. Having our sins forgiven is marvelous and miraculous, and we are unworthy of the tiniest drop of our Saviour's blood. But this is only the very beginning, howbeit, a glorious beginning! My burden over the years has been that very few continue on from conversion to discover how truly marvelous walking with God can actually be. And I know that I have just a slight glimmer of what God has for us here on earth if only we could receive it. Since God's ways are not our ways, and since His thoughts are far above our own thoughts (even the very best of our converted thoughts), how then can we possibly learn what God wants and discover what He is saying to us? How can we learn to walk with Jesus as the first Christians did? How can we discover this link which has been lost from the Church through the ages? A portion of the answer, I humbly believe, is to be found in the words of Jesus our wonderful Redeemer when He said: "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me." These words are recorded in some form in Matthew 16:24; Mark 8:34; and Luke 9:23: If any man will...," Jesus said. My heart has often been made heavy by that little word "if," for God has found few in all the centuries who will truly, whole heartedly believe Him and obey Him. But in His precious love He opens the opportunity to "any man."
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The call from Heaven is for us to "come after" Jesus,to follow His footsteps, to pattern after His example, to be filled with the Holiness of God, without which no man shall see the Lord. We are to be filled with those divine qualities which His sweet Spirit brings forth as fruit: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance. But in ourselves we are blocked from these priceless virtues by a raging ocean of Sin. We stand on one bank of this angry sea which sin has made. On the opposite shore beckons the priceless rewards made to those who will overcome by the word of their testimony and the blood of the Lamb. There is no way we can reach these rewards by our own insights, our own methods, our own achievements. Jesus was able to walk upon the waves, but alas-- we quickly sink in spite of our fervent aspirations. We would be lost in despair if Jesus had abandoned us to the condemnation of death which bruises everything of earth. This sense of hopelessness is reflected in the response the disciples made to Jesus when He stated the divine requirement: "Except ye eat the flesh of the Son of man, and drink His blood, you have no life in you." The majority of those who had followed Him cried out in anger and amazement: "This is a hard saying! who can hear it?" When God's standards surpassed their own ability to achieve, they turned back to their own ways and followed the Son of God no more. "It is the Self-life in man which is brought to despair by God's standards of holiness." There is no fleshly wisdom, no human philosophy, no noble earthly aspiration able to form an acceptable bridge to God's holiness. We are under the condemnation of death which cursed all that belonged to earth. We are of the earth earthy and can only bring forth death, no matter how noble our intentions nor how high our purpose. Our only hope is Jesus. He is the Bridge reaching from death to life. He is the Path, He is the Bread along the Way, He is the Water to quench our thirst, He is the Prize towards which we reach. Since we lost all in disobeying God in the
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Garden of Eden, our path back to God is in Jesus through obedience. And in order to obey, we must first receive a command which we can obey. To "come after" Jesus means that we obey Him. How then do we learn to obey Him? The simple, but monumental, first step in following Jesus is found in the next phrase of His command: "Let him deny himself..." This is wonderfully simple, as are all of God's truths, yet it will take the help of the Holy Spirit for us first, to clearly perceive self-denial; and second, actually begin to apply this to our daily lives. Our comprehending self-denial is similar to our great, great-grandparents of a hundred years ago asking, "How can I get from the East coast to the West coast in only ten hours?" Most of their friends in the horse and buggy era would have answered, "It's impossible!" But to the one who had been given the vision of the jet airplanes which so numerously criss-cross our modern skies, the reply would have been as simple as "let him deny himself" --"let him fly," he would have answered. The spiritual fact of "let him deny himself" is marvelously simple; but its practice in everyday life is as staggering to our contemporary understanding as the jet plane would have been to a Civil War soldier. The idea might seem splendid, the possibilities almost inexhaustible: but how on earth do we actually accomplish it? We learn how to deny Self and obey God by following a remarkable law which governs the Kingdom of God, and that law Jesus clearly stated immediately after telling us about denying Self: "For whosoever shall save his life shall lose it; and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it." He is telling us that the earth, as man knows it and tries to operate it, is going in reverse to the law of God's Kingdom. In order to be the greatest, Jesus tells us, we become the least. In order to gain, we lose. In losing all, we find all. Now this is the milk and meat of the Gospel. This will help awaken tired spiritual muscles and put a spring in our
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step if we will pull our chair up real close and chew every bite well. Too many times, I fear, we prefer to have a little sweet cake of blessing and dismiss ourselves from the table. But there'll be plenty of divine calories in this meal if you will keep pressing on in love and appreciation. God wants to come down and walk arm in arm with us in the garden of our heart, just as He did with Adam. Adam chose to disobey God, which threw us into death by sin. Jesus brings us to life by His shed blood, His death, and resurrection. But to receive this life we must come low in brokenness and humility. The Bible tells us that "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and contrite heart, oh God,thou will not despise." And the promise of God to all men is that He "...is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit." However, most of the time we want to get up from this place of contrition and assume a place of recognition and respect. The secret of beginning and continuing a walk with God is to remain at the bottom in humility always in your heart. It is not the nature of man and woman to go this way, however. The path of humility is absolutely contrary to our nature because of the carnal spirit and the carnal mind which we acquired in the Fall. This carnal mind takes us to death, according to the apostle Paul and is likewise enmity against God, for "it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be." This same mind is born into every living child. Jesus was the only person born of woman without the carnal nature, for this nature is inherent in Adam's seed. Babies get their blood from their father. But, praise God, Jesus didn't have an earthly father. He came by the divine Father, the Holiness of God. His sacred blood was from God Himself-- undefiled, holy, and pure. Jesus Christ was born of the virgin Mary, and He was without sin: perfect! He was the only one ever born in this earth without sin,
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without this terrible carnal nature. And He became the propitiation for our sins, that we sinners could be saved. I am only a sinner saved by grace. Bless the Holy Name of Jesus. It is this inbred carnal nature which refuses to acknowledge the right of God to reign over our lives. It is this carnal mind which resents, resists, and rejects anything of that divine mind which was in Christ Jesus. Therefore, this carnal mind must be dethroned. The carnal nature must be slain in order that God can replace it with His own nature, with the mind of Christ. He wishes to give us His Spirit, but He can only give His Spirit to those who obey Him. To do otherwise would be dangerous. (I Cor 3:1-3) There is so much carnality in us: much more than we are aware of. We are angry, envious, spiteful, resentful, critical, contentious, argumentative, foolish, and jesting. Some people are willing to relinquish part of their carnal selves, but retain five or ten percent. God wants to slay this carnal nature out of us absolutely. The reason sinners don't want to have much to do with the church today is because there is carnality in most who claim to be Christian, and sinners want nothing to do with that kind of "Christianity." We pray good prayers, sing fine songs, preach commendable sermons, but the persons who live around our churches seldom attend. Why?--because Jesus is not often seen much in those who are praying and preaching and singing. Oh, my friend!--Jesus wants to live in us! He wants to work through us in little humble ways of holy love and selfless giving. But we are trying to have Christianity without the Cross. The Cross is simply God's will. The Cross is where the carnal nature is nailed and crucified. The carnal nature is put to death on the cross. As Jesus voluntarily went to His Roman cross, we must volunteer to put the carnal nature on a spiritual cross. We must voluntarily bring our evil natures
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and submit them to the hand of God. This is what it really means to be sanctified wholly: it is to be crucified with Christ in the inner man. We cannot do this in our own strength. God alone can slay us. This carnal nature comes wrapped in a brilliant package called "Self." When we deny Self we are continuing to hold our carnal natures to the cross. Jesus could have come down from His cross any moment He chose. He was not there against His will. He volunteered to endure that agony, that pain, and that ridicule "for the joy set before Him." As we follow Him, we also must volunteer to remain on the cross in self-denial that this carnal nature may be crucified, buried, and His divine nature resurrected within us. We cannot dictate how this carnal Self will be crucified. Self will not want to die. If we ever get close to death, we will try to live. He will slay us as we wait before Him. (We have tried to describe the absolute imperative of waiting in chapter twenty-three.) It is our nature to get busy and "do" things. But the Holy Spirit has revealed to my heart that in our "doing" religious things which appear good, we have undone the true work of the Kingdom and have missed God's best. If we are willing to wait on God consistently and lovingly, He will then bring us to the best at His own time and in His own way. The speed of our progress in being led of the Spirit is dependent upon our submission to His will. God moves us ahead as swiftly as He can in the proportion that He can trust us. The walk with God, therefore, is not so much our learning techniques of how to be led of God. The primary concentration is pressing in the interior life to submit to God's will so perfectly that He might be able to trust us with a greater measure of His Spirit. My friend, are you really determined to wait on God until He finishes the work He has begun at conversion? Will you let Him slay out of you that selfish, prideful, jealous, murmuring, fault-finding, analytical, self-sufficient spirit? He wants
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to uproot these poisonous weeds so that He might sow in us the seeds of His divine nature. But most people are unwilling to wait for God to produce His precious fruit. They want all that God has for them immediately. Most everybody wants a victorious, overcoming life in Christ; but often they want the prize without the race. They desire the ends without the means. They wish to read a book and find out in a few hours how to walk with God. We live in a society of so many modern conveniences. We push a button and our clothes are washed. We press another button and our meals are cooked. We turn a handle and hot water pours out in abundance. Growing accustomed to ease in our earthly lives, we want convenience in our Christianity as well. We think it is owed us. But that is not the way God brings us into His likeness. Spiritual understanding never comes this way. It comes little by little, step by step, through much suffering We have been trying to manufacture some wheels of our own inventiveness in order that we might reach the goal more swiftly and more easily. But without the suffering we would not properly value God's mysteries. We would think lightly of divine secrets most sacred, and God would not be able to trust us. The more you suffer to get something, the more you treasure it when you have it. Of course, often the suffering that you will pass through will not be physical: it will be in the interior life, hidden from the eyes of those around you. The suffering of the Cross is secret and personal. And the more that one suffers in self-denial, the more he is willing to be slain. The suffering of the soul is terrible, yet it is wonderful. It is agony, but it is the way to all Life, because in the life of losing yourself you are going to find everything. Oh, you will have battles, burdens, struggles, heartaches, and many difficulties--but you will have everything in Jesus. (And the Holy Spirit witnesses in my heart when I tell you, "You will have everything in Jesus!" You, see, these are not just
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human ideas I am telling you. God is witnessing to my soul from Heaven that this is true. This is worth all the money you will ever see and more if you could hear these simple truths and bind them to your heart forever.) It is going to take most of us who have been on this Christian journey a while, a long time to get back to the life of self-denial. It will be a tremendous adjustment to consistently, continuously deny what we have been accustomed to do, in order to do what God wants. He doesn't want us simply denying Self occasionally to do His will--just going hit-and-miss, once today and twice next week. No. God wants to walk with us from the very beginning. In fact, I do not actually walk with God unless I have denied Self at every step, because in order to follow I must take up the cross, which is God's will. In order to perceive His will I will need to die out to all those carnal things which keep me from hearing His voice. We are attuned to hear God's voice only as we deny Self and obey His guidances. Unless Self is consistently denied, our spiritual hearing is impaired and we cannot receive God's message. We return to the cross from a life of disobedience by first confessing our neglect, disobedience, and failures. If we are just converted, we are able to begin at the same place: at the foot of the cross. The heart then turns its attention from the attractions of earth to the eternal goals of Heaven. It is not an easy assignment, for our natural tendency is not to look to Jesus in faith: it is to look to ourselves by reason. We learn to trust God little by little as we humbly read His Word, talk to Him in prayer, witness to the miracle of Jesus saving us, and strive with every bit of energy we have to obey the Holy Spirit. When we begin our walk we are but tiny babes, no matter what our earthly age; and God lovingly treats us exactly according to our needs. He will teach us gently, but as swiftly as He can, about following His guidances. He will
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attempt to prompt every Christian to some small act of obeying His voice very soon after conversion or after returning to the cross. He will ask him to say, "I love Jesus," in a church service. The Holy Spirit may impress him to ask forgiveness from a neighbor for getting angry at him last week, or ask him to apologize to his wife for being stubborn the night before. It will be little things in the every-day life that God will lead you to and through. Seldom will God's request come naturally to the flesh, for the cross of Christ is an instrument on which the flesh is crucified. It is impossible for us to discover this new life in Christ until we get rid of the old. God actually wants us to "die" to the earthly ambitions and desires in order that we might be raised with Christ to a heavenly preoccupation while still living in this world. Paul indicates this paradoxical living while yet "dead" in Colossians 3:1: "If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affections on things above, not on things on the earth. For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God." Now if each new convert will faithfully determine in his heart to do exactly what God lays on his soul to do, the marvelous walk with Jesus will begin. A new life actually in Christ begins to happen. But every step will be proceeded and accompanied by denying what Self wants and what Self wishes. Self must never be permitted to make another decision in your life You must settle it forever and fix your will like a rock: "Jesus is now Lord of my life. He sits on the throne of my heart. I will seek His advice on where I am to go, what I am to do, how I am to dress, what I am to speak." Your life will become very simply "no longer I, but Christ." I say "simply," and yet it is by no means effortless. It will take all the energy you possess, all the determination, all the crying and pleading for God's help and mercy to let you day by day, moment by moment, breath by breath, and yes--second by second--resist all evil and the demands of
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the earth to wait upon God and do humbly and consistently in love only what He directs you to do. All hell is against this kind of intimate walk with God, and it will only be by God's grace that any one of us will be able to continue. But praise be unto God, we will discover with apostle Paul that in our own weakness He is made strong. The devil and well-meant counselors of the earth will try to tell you that by waiting on God you are losing time and wasting time. They will tell you that there are souls to be won and many things to be accomplished. But the secret of life is in waiting upon God. While you are waiting on God you are learning to love Him, you are learning to praise Him, you are learning to commune with Him, you are learning how to recognize His voice. Sometimes as you wait you will be praying; often you will be listening; occasionally you will be shown a need in your heart, a glaring weakness of the soul which is hindering His Spirit from working through you. Then you may adore Him even more and meditate upon His suffering, His sorrow, and His heartbreak over a lost and dying world. While you are waiting you are actually climbing in His own purpose. You may not be permitted to observe it, but He is lifting you to His own likeness as you go deeper in humility and in the knowledge of your own unworthiness and nothingness. Quite to your surprise, you will discover that from time to time this new found Friend will direct you to a needy soul. When you least anticipate it He will have you in the right place at the right time, and some precious heart will be converted because of Jesus working through you; someone may be healed or a dear soul lifted up. You will be so thrilled and filled with joy because Jesus did it! He was the one. You were simply privileged to be there and have His Kingdom work through you. Oh, glory to the Lamb of God, even Jesus! Here is where the true adventure begins. In fact, God will give you such surprises in His fellowship that you will
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wonder why so few have gone this path before. The earth will be seeking pleasures in games, fairs, parties, and sensual experiences; but you will be so overjoyed with the work of the Holy Spirit in leading, in cleansing, and in instructing that people will say, "What is wrong with them? It looks like they don't have much of anything, yet they're carrying on as if they had everything." But we are not to seek for adventure, for miraculous events, or even to be led by the Holy Spirit. We are simply to pour love back to God, honor Him, adore Him, and try to praise Him for His name's sake. We are not to become tense or nervous about how to die out, how to be slain, how to be crucified, or how to obey. We are to relax like a little child, remain right down at the bottom in brokenness, and simply trust God for all things. You see, there are wonderful promises to those who actually trust God. The one which opens to every good and perfect gift is found in Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not to thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy paths." Since the God of the entire universe has promised to guide us as we relinquish our own authority on our lives, give up our own limited views of life, and turn to Him as the only source of life and joy--we can rest assured that He will do exactly that. As we wait, He will teach us about self-denial in little humble ways. He will actually begin to direct our lives. And when He begins to take control, then we must gladly abandon our own plans to follow His command. Throughout this pilgrimage I have tried to share but a few instances of self-denial: where my plans and my wishes had to be laid aside, and what God suddenly told me to do then became my plan. I recall leaving our home in Hartford City several years ago to get a quart of milk, some bread, and meat. I hadn't gone more than four to five hundred feet when Jesus spoke
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to my heart. I had not simply been sitting around waiting for God to tell me something to do. I had been on my knees in prayer and in the Word--watching, waiting, crying, and praying hour after hour and day after day. God said, "I want you to go home, get dressed to travel, take the bus to Muncie, and go to Parker City to visit T. L. Smith." What I had planned for that day had to be forgotten. My plans ended and God's began. After getting the groceries I took what little money we had, walked down to the bus station, boarded the bus to Muncie, then took another bus to my home town. Coming into Parker I passed my wife's parents' home, and I always liked to stop there because I loved them like my own mother and father. But this morning I was not able to stop to see them or even my own folks. Self had to be denied. I was to do what God had told me to do. When I walked into Tom Smith's little store his wife exclaimed, "Oh, Brother Helm! I'm so glad to see you. Tom has been sick. He's swollen in his tonsils and is feverish. He has been praying all morning that God would tell you to come." And God had done just that. I give Him the praise for this. But I could not continue what I had planned for that day. I could not remain in the Word and prayer. Self had to be denied in order to do what God had said. Going back into this man's bedroom where he lay ill, I fell on my knees, looked up into the face of Jesus in Heaven, and He came by the power of the Holy Ghost to take the fever out of this precious man. In a short while Tom was out of bed, dressed, and getting a haircut at the barber shop. That night he went to prayer meeting and told them what God had done for him. I didn't plan it or arrange it. The Holy Ghost was the Leader and Guide. Even before God called me to leave everything, He was teaching me about walking with Him in self-denial. It was 1939. I had entered a store and had taken but three steps
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when the Lord told me to stop and go to a certain man's home. I ran to the car, drove to his home, and found that he had just returned from the hospital. I didn't understand all about the situation but I knew that he was very sick. "Jesus has brought me and I want to pray," I told him. In my feeble way I started to pray, and God became so precious to us that it seemed like Jesus came down in a white robe and stood a few feet from me to the left. Thrilled, I said, "I can go now, Jesus has heard my cry." His insurance company had insisted that he undergo more tests at Robert Long Hospital in Indianapolis, and there the doctors gave him certain tests and X-rays, just as the physicians had done in our county hospital. After a few days, seven young doctors and one older doctor filed into his room and stood around his bed observing him. "We want to ask you a question," one of the doctors said. "We have the X-rays from the hospital in Winchester which clearly show a growth the size of two fists. We would like to know the name of the surgeon who performed this delicate operation and removed this growth. We cannot find a scar where he cut it out or where he sewed you up. Would you tell us, please, this surgeon's name?" The man looked up from his hospital bed into the face of that physician and declared, "His name is Jesus the Christ." God had done this. He had stopped me at my own affairs and sent me on an assignment of His Kingdom. The work which he accomplished was a miracle of His grace and power. But He could work through this poor, limited, unworthy servant only because I was obeying His command and doing His will. Do you see what I would have missed if I had not forsaken my plans to do what Jesus bid me do? Oh, my friend!--How much have we missed in the past years, months, and days because we have failed to deny self? Because we have failed to wait on God that He might teach us how to hear His voice and be led of the Spirit?
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But even as I am trying my very best to explain about the absoluteness of denying Self, most people will not realize what I mean. Many will tend to think that self-denial means simply to go to church twice a week, to wear clothing of a particular style, to participate in only specific types of activities, to refuse to eat some foods, or to attend only certain types of entertainment. Self-denial may involve some of the above; but true self-denial is simply doing what God directs instead of what you want to do. And we will never know what God wants until we come to nothingness in love and wait before Him so that He can teach us how to hear and obey. It is our inner attitude of heart which determines: "Above everything else, I want to follow Jesus!" Every other human activity must become secondary to the single burning desire to be God's true servant. This is why Jesus said in Luke 14:26: "If any man comes to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple." If there is anything in our life which takes precedence over our loving, listening to, and following Jesus-- then we cannot be His disciples. As soon as we refuse to put Him first absolutely in our daily lives, we have ceased to be His disciple. This is the Narrow Way. And most people will not hear this. Unless we have waited on God, willing to let Him crucify out of us this carnal nature, we will continue to think that simply believing on Jesus intellectually, going to church, knowing the Bible, and doing good things will get us to Heaven. But unless Jesus is absolutely first in our everyday life-- unless we are walking in intimate fellowship with God and carrying out His will which He is telling us moment by moment from Heaven--then we proceed in a life of self-assertion, by- passing the way of self-denial and the cross. We only hear God's voice as we have waited before Him through the years to learn the operations, the checks, and the guidances of the Holy Spirit. We only learn about being
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led of God as we actually obey Him and let Him lead us step by step. If we do not wait sufficiently, we will go ahead unknowingly in fleshly self-assertion rather than in self-denial and will miss the Kingdom of God. God has so many wonderful lessons to teach us, but they are all to be learned along the road of the cross, the path one walks on the legs of "trust" and "obey". God wishes us to know this Way. He wants us to lose our lives for His sake and the Gospel's. Jesus came to teach us this way and to demonstrate it. This is what man has rejected. God has a plan for every life--a beautiful, marvelously exciting plan--but few have remained in His school long enough, quiet enough, faithful enough in prayer and witnessing in the Word; obedient enough so that He might teach us how He checks us in our conversation, in our behaviour, in our plans, and in our schedules. If only we would be willing to consistently wait with joy upon God, He will refine us. There are fires to pass through as we wait which will burn out the dross and leave pure gold. But rarely will we stay in His hand long enough to be purified. It is true that when we are abiding in God's hand, no man can pluck us out; but we can get out of His hand simply by asserting Self. We get out of His hand by not praying and waiting upon God. We get out of His hand and into our own hands. After so many experiences of disobedience following conversion, people are dulled to the voice of God, continuing in lives of self-assertion without even knowing it. They have the orthodoxy and the external pattern of acceptable Christianity, but there is no power of God operating through their life. There is no witness of the Holy Spirit. Often these individuals are the older people who have failed to mind God years ago. They have become hardened to the sweet voice of the Spirit and are only in a form of godliness. They are walking in the exterior life. But the Holy Spirit works through the interior life. Jesus said, "The Kingdom of God is within you."
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I love all people and I love all churches. I have met wonderful people all through the United States and over the world. But God has called me to cry out to every church, every minister, and every layman that we have been trying to have Christianity without the very first step of Christianity--and that is self-denial. We cannot take one step after Jesus unless we deny Self and listen for God's guidance. But we in the church have been trying to have Christianity without the leadership of the Holy Spirit. We have been going on in our own programs, in our own missionary ventures, in our own educational systems, in our building projects, in our visitation efforts. We have been trying to bring the Kingdom of God to life through our own efforts, our own talents, our own personalities, our own preaching, our own singing. Every leader in every church is precious, and I am not trying to find fault with anyone. But I must cry out to all our dear leaders that we in the professed church have lost the Kingdom of God. Dr. E. Stanley Jones said exactly that in his last book, "The Unshakable Kingdom and the Unchanging Person."* Because we in the church have lost the Kingdom, we have been going on in the wilderness. We have been having the same program year after year. We are in a form. We sing, we pray, we testify a little, and we preach. It is monotony. Like the children of Israel, we go around and around, getting ever further from the land of Caanan. But God wants to take us in a straight line to the promised land--which is simply walking in the Spirit, doing His will, waiting upon Him, losing all that He might be all. We have been trying to do what God wants without doing what He says. Few people in all the ages have been willing to simply let Jesus lead them and be all to them. We in the church still want strings attached so that we might control to some measure. We have a little idea which direction we want things to * Jones, E. Stanley, "The Unshakable Kingdom and the Unchanging Person," Abingdon Press, Nashville, Tennessee, 1972 (pp. 18, 21, 22, 72, and 73).
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go. We want great crowds, a big Sunday School, an attractive building. We desire popularity. We want people to join our particular group. We want our special ideas to be accepted and acknowledged. Most every body of believers wants a little something for themselves, their church, their denomination, or their organization. I have seldom experienced any body of believers praying in true prevailing supplication for God to send revival to any church outside of their own organization or form. Have you often heard reports of a Methodist Church joining as one person to pray for the local Church of God one mile away? Have you heard of the Nazarenes crying out for God to send a sweet awakening to the Friends? Our prayers are many times still very self-centered and self-assertive, because we are still manipulating our own goals, and not God's goals. God is seeking a people who will simply and totally be His-- willing to be lowly, unnoticed, unrecognized, and unlauded by religious notables. The true power of God will operate through these lowly, contrite, self-emptied ones who know that they are undeserving of the least thing God has for them. He will wonderfully use these who have no plans of their own and no desires except to be vessels through which Jesus might be exalted. This is the company of believers who are the true Church of God. Any lowly heart who is willing to die out to the earth and lose all for Jesus is the active member in the universal Church of Christ victorious. God's true Church is not a specific body of people who have called themselves by a certain name. It is not a particular religious order which prescribes to certain theological truths. The true Church of God is made up of every blood-washed sinner who remains lowly at the cross in self- denial, actually following Jesus under the cross. The Church of God is that body of believers which the Holy Spirit truly indwells; where Jesus is truly the Head; His mind is within them and the Holy Spirit is the Leader and Guide.
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I fear that we leaders of the church have been trying to do the work of the Kingdom in our own skeleton, in our own ideologies, in our own structure of reason and beauty. Much of it is good and attractive, but it isn't born of the Spirit. One can have the earthly best, but if it doesn't thrust to every heart the divine imperative of self-denial and the cross, it isn't sufficient. The Holy Spirit has revealed to me a very serious fact. He has shown me that the church today has become infected with the spiritual diseases of man's philosophies and carnal energies. Unless we bring to an end all of our best-intended attempts to work for God, confess our disobedience and sin, and return lowly, broken, and torn to His feet to be healed--we may possibly bring new converts into our assemblies and expand our churches, but every newborn we bring in will have the same diseases that we have. They will be brought into our fellowship and become infected with the viruses of self-assertion and respectable Christianity, never knowing that they are not walking with the Christ of Calvary. They will become crippled by self-assertion and blinded by an active carnal mind, never knowing that they are stumbling toward an eternal death. Our job in the church is not to bring people into our fellowship. We cannot do it. Our assignment is to wait upon God. When He is then able to cleanse the church of those things which grieve Him and crush the lambs, then He will come through that holy and purified body of believers, move them to spiritual travail, and bring souls to a truly divine birth into the Kingdom. (Isaiah 66:8b--"For as soon as Zion travailed, she brought forth her children.") And when God brings them in they will be beautiful, healthy lambs. The glory of God will be in their souls, and there will be enough milk in the udders of the sheep to keep them alive and well (and the lambs feed only from the sheep--their milk the joy of the Lord pouring from obedient hearts). We in the church have been trying to work out that which
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was not our business to do. Our assignment is simply to wait on God, for He can do more in seconds than men can do in centuries. We have been trying to work out all the methods and get people in; we have tried to talk to them, persuade them, and change their lives. But God simply wants us to become a people who will wait upon Him so that He can slay us and slay us and slay us in order that He can then have full control of us. He could do wonders for His glory if only He could find a body willing to undergo the divine surgery necessary to be truly used of Him. The Lord wants us to die out to recognition, station, and popularity. We must come to the cheerful willingness to be on the bottom forever. God can only fully use the broken and humble. He can work through others to a measure, but His true presence and power of the Kingdom operates through the lowly: that which the world rejects and thinks foolish. There is great glory here. There is great joy. Heaven is here in His hand. But the devil, carnality, and all of hell will not let you hear this. Even while you are reading this you will have to labor and cry and press in your heart to truly get hold of these sacred truths and begin to apply them to your life. We are in a ferocious battle against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, and spiritual wickedness in high places. They steal any spiritualtruth from you often before it can even reach your heart, unless you plead the blood of Jesus over your heart and mind, lifting the Shield of Faith over your soul. This exhortation would probably need to be shared a few hundred times to most congregations before they would begin to hear the urgency and seriousness of self-denial. That is the real purpose of this book--to lovingly persuade people to really turn from themselves unto the living God and actually do His will. Not just follow God in form and in word, which is what many churches are now doing; but actually come to the basic simplicity of the Gospel of Jesus
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Christ in self-denial, trust, and obedience. It's going to be an awful thing in Judgment if we have been in the church but missed the will of God; if we have been moral and upright, but have not waited on God that He might work through us His will. In all of my ministry I have found very few individuals, let alone entire churches, who have been willing to humble themselves. But unless we actually come to nothingness and begin to walk with God, we are not actually the Church. We are not in the Kingdom of God and we are not in the true Church of God unless we truly forsake all of our own ways and follow day by day the leadership of the Holy Spirit. If we do not really do God's will--if we are not faithful and true as little children--we are stumbling blocks instead of stepping stones. If we ministers in the church have not really minded God-- walked in the Spirit by self-denial and obeyed in humility, not trying to know so much but simply coming to childlikeness--then we have taken the money of the church and deceived the flock. If we have not embraced the cross in the interior life, if we have not cried out in agony within our souls to do God's will, then we are going to be held accountable in Judgment (and right now God tells me, "I guide thee, direct thee, and tell thee what to do.") We are a thousand miles short of the will of God in most all churches. We have people on our boards and on our councils who are not walking with God under a cross. We have church leaders who are trying to maneuver the business of the body of Christ. Jesus tells me in my heart that if we try to run the church with a carnal mind--if there is unsubmitted Self in our lives--we are as dangerous to that body as five rattlesnakes would be to a tiny child in his crib. It is that dangerous for one man or one woman in the church leadership to be carnal and not do God's will: it is that deadly to the lambs and the sinners who are watching the lives of those people.
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You see, beloved, we must have a cleansing of all our precious church leaders from the very highest to the least. I love every church leader so very much; I love each one with all my heart. It takes love to tell the real truth in kindness and gentleness. But the Holy Spirit reveals to my heart that if I am in the church and have the slightest bit of carnality in my heart, then I am as dangerous to that body as rattlesnake venom. I will poison the body even when I am trying to help it. (All church leaders whose hearts are right with God will not resent this revelation; but all hearts not yielded wholly to God will be offended at it. Psalms 119:165.) This is more serious than I can tell you, for rarely will a congregation rise any higher than its spiritual leader. We cannot lift anyone higher than the level on which we stand. If only we could convince our precious ministers of all our churches to really wait upon God and walk with Him so that His power could truly work through them. And if we have not waited on God until He can teach us ministers how to stop or go at His command; or to discern what the Holy Spirit wishes for our times together as a body of believers; then we are like teachers who do not know our ABC's. We may have the finest orthodoxy, but there is little power of God in us. The true love of God isn't pouring through us as it could and should. It is this divine love which regulates the power of God. It is our love to God which determines our self-denial. We will seek His will and deny Self in proportion to our love for Jesus. What grieves my heart so badly is that many of our churches are disobedient and don't know it. Many of our precious people are living self-assertive lives of disobedience and haven't the slightest idea that they are doing it. The world is dying for God's love. Sinners don't need our theologies and denominational ideas: they need the love of Jesus to make them know how wretched and empty their lives are. And this love cannot--I repeat: cannot --flow through a disobedient heart. I am not speaking of an earthly
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love, a mere refined human affection. I'm talking about the divine flow of God's love which pours like a mountain torrent through the crucified, yielded heart to every living person. This love contains no bitterness, no criticism, no harshness, no fault-finding, no murmuring. This love forgives all wrongs and overlooks all misunderstandings; it holds no grudges and makes no complaints; it is dead to all self-pity and alive to all praise. This is the love which makes men of all nations one in the Spirit. And when you gather a few people together who love one another with this holy, pure, heavenly love--God will come down and make His abode among them. The power of the Holy Ghost will move through that body and sinners will be born into the Kingdom by the divine power of God. We know very little of such divine power. We have lived so far from His perfect will that God has been unable to trust us with much of His presence. If the power which fell on Homer Pumphrey and me in August of 1942 in Circleville, Ohio would fall in any church or in any place, I know that all infidels and atheists would be saved in twenty-two seconds. The power would be so great that they would cry out, "Oh, God! Forgive me! I didn't know you were so great! Have mercy on me, Jesus!" Confession would leap right out of them. They couldn't help it. This sacred event occured while Homer and I were in a hotel room in Circleville, Ohio. I made the statement, "I am convinced that very few people in all the world have everything that God wants them to have and are doing everything God wants them to do." My precious brother took exception to my statement and replied, "Do you mean to tell me that these people are not doing all God wants them to do and don't have all He wants them to have?"--and he named over some of the renowned spiritual leaders of that day. I answered him, "Homer, the Spirit is grieved." And when I said that, the power of God filled that room as a mighty
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wind which lasted for three seconds. The glory of God was everywhere. It filled every little crack and crevice. It was the greatest power of God I have ever experienced. It was so powerful that Homer thought we were going to be translated. The words came right out of him, "What is God doing--is He calling apostles? What does He want me for--an armorbearer?" He hardly knew he was saying it. The words simply came out of him. Over thirty years ago God descended on that room as a testimony of His presence to the fact that His Spirit has been grieved by almost all mortals in all the ages. He was giving witness with His mighty power that if only He could find a body of believers willing to lose all and come to nothingness, He would come through that body and lift Jesus to the world, and sinners would then be drawn to Him as on the day of Pentecost or even greater. We have been attempting to lift Jesus by own own methods, our own preaching, our own personalities. But that is not the "lift" about which Jesus spoke in John 12:32 when He said: "And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me." Jesus was first placed on the cross and lifted up by cruel, carnal, wicked hands. The next lift will be by tender, gentle, loving, broken, obedient lives who have waited on God until all the carnal things are removed and the love of God flows freely among them. When God finds such a body, then He will come up through that body and and lift Jesus to all the world in the might of the Kingdom of God. When this spiritual lift of the divine Son of God occurs, all persons in that area will be drawn to God like a magnet. They will not be able to resist this great moving power of God. This mighty drawing of Jesus could begin the Holy Ghost Revival to the World which I have been anticipating now for over thirty years. This could be the "latter rain" (James 5:7) which will precede the return of Jesus. It is coming someday soon, whenever He can find a body willing to pay the price and truly follow Him daily in self-denial.
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We have witnessed many marvelous things in Jesus, seeing a few saved here and there, and I am not trying to minimize what God has been doing anywhere on the earth. But what God wants to do, if only He could find a body yielded wholly to His will, is so tremendous that I am not able to get to it with words. But we are not to seek to do something big for Jesus. We are not to try to work up a big revival or try to whip up a world-wide evangelistic campaign. The secret is this: as a body of believers we must all come to nothingness together. As Jesus permitted His body to be nailed on the cross as a sacrifice for sins, we in the living body of Christ must make the same sacrifice. Can we hear it? Jesus gave Himself a sacrifice for us, so now the body should be willing to make the same sacrifice. We must literally, as His body, in the interior life, go to the cross and die out to everything of earth: be willing to perish to all earthly achievements and the religious world. And from this slain body God will bring the same power which raised Jesus from the dead and lift the resurrected Lord to the entire world. This is the secret of all spiritual success in the church. But I preached many years before I knew that. This is what God is trying to cry through me to all churchdom: "We must die out to Self. We must lose all to find all. We must learn how to obey. We must go to the cross as Jesus went to the cross." The absolute which we in the church must face is the imperative of the cross in the daily life of the believer. We have had enough preaching to last for centuries to come. We have enough devotional books to encourage us for years. There has been sufficient discussion and review of theologies and doctrines of holiness. What is now needed is an actual life lived in obedience to the commands of Jesus. We must stop talking "about" Christianity and begin letting Christ live through us.
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He will not live through us as we think He ought. He has His own plans and His own unique desires for our lives. We will learn these plans only as we wait upon Him day after day and begin to learn how to be led of Him. Most all men have wanted to squeeze God into certain limited molds and unchanging patterns. But when God creates, all of Nature obeys His will in an infinite variety of ways. Each tiny snowflake becomes a very special individual; each microscopic crystal forms slightly different from every other. Likewise, as He creates His Kingdom on earth, God will use infinite variety in leading His servants. No technique or applied methods could contain the unlimited inventiveness of our Heavenly Father as He leads His children to do His will. Men have always wanted rules to follow, when God has preferred to find humble followers who wanted to be ruled. The Word tells us that "to as many as received Him, to them gave He the power to become the sons of God." We have too long camped at the foot of this glorious mountain of promise, assuming that, because we have "believed" on Jesus that we are fulfilling all the requirements of sonship. But another scripture tells us quite plainly that there is a difference in "the power to become" a son, and actually "being" a son. Paul reveals to us that the requirement of true sonship lies in "for as many as are led by the Spirit of God." In order to be a true son of God, we must press on from conversion in order to be instructed in the mysteries of the Kingdom of God. To become a son is a lengthy process, and we must needs be about the business of "becoming." We need to be weaned from the patterns and inner proclivities of the earth to a heavenly vision and an eternal longing. We cannot permit ourselves to set our sights on certain patterns of religious achievement, on gifts, or on a particular goal of effectiveness within the accepted church structure. We must learn what it means simply to walk with God.
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God's pattern for every man and woman has always been different; so we cannot look to any of His servants for a specific model of activity. However, we can look to Jesus for all instruction, finding in the Biblical record His teachings, His pattern of living, and His example in lowly servitude. Above all, we have His ringing cry: "A new commandment I give unto you...that ye love one another as I have loved you." A lifetime would not suffice to meditate sufficiently upon the implications and practice of loving one another as He loved us. In fact, all eternity will probably never reach the limits of His love, which we are to embrace to the fullest of our limited capacities, by His grace and help. But this divine love is the binding adhesive between the numberless individuals making up His body on earth. His love flowing from one to another becomes the sinew and fiber which joins finger to hand, wrist to arm, and creates the living organism of His glorious Church. God has sent this voice crying in the wilderness as a clarion call to true obedience to the Holy Spirit. As you are reading these final words you are choosing, or are approaching the choice, either to be a true follower of Jesus, or simply a believer in Christian principles. When Jesus was sent to earth, a great number believed the principles of God's revelations to the patriarchs and the prophets--but few, if any, were willing to acclaim Him boldly as the Messiah. Very few have ever listened to God's men from the beginning. The religious leaders were unable to recognize Jesus, and He was the fulfillment of the revelation which they sincerely served. Most all Christian leaders, likewise, have failed to recognize God's servants. The established church persecuted Huss, Madam Guyon, Bunyan, Luther, Wesley, Finney, E. E. Byrum, and hundreds more. The Power of this earth had blinded our precious religious leaders so that they feel threatened by God's true servants. Even when one tries
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to point out the blindness to God's true servants of past religious leaders, today's leaders say, "Well, that was in the past. We have the revelation today. Our way is the true way. We are in the main stream of God's revelation." (Very rarely has there been a church leader of any position or authority who has truly humbled himself and become submissive to the will of God. Every truly crucified church leader will not feel badly towards me for this declaration.) In all my ministry I have loved every church. I have tried to encourage every minister and every layman. I have never talked about any denomination or any leader or any church. When I am in the pulpit God often comes through me in judgment to call the church back to true holiness and purity. But when I am alone, I never talk against the church or abuse the ministry. Yet some church leaders think that I am a false prophet and that I am out to get church property. A number of religious leaders are afraid of me. They will often believe stories about us from people who have never heard us or known us, rather than persevere themselves to find out what we are really like. And it is a dangerous thing, beloved, to believe a lie. It is the nature of a heart filled with divine love to believe the best of everyone. But Satan so fights this message of self-denial and the cross, that some church leaders have been willing to believe that I am out to cause division and start my own church; when all I am trying to do is what God has called me to do: and that is encourage every person to actually follow Jesus, and unite all believers around the world into a fellowship of divine love. (It hurts my heart to hear the terrible things that people say about me; and yet God keeps me happy. I am rejoicing in my soul even though my heart is broken for the church. Jesus has told us that every true follower would be hated even as He was hated.)
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Often the minister today is under considerable pressure from his denominational hierarchy to conform to certain patterns, schedules, training materials, and financial processes. I doubt if many laymen know a fraction of the pressures under which the precious ministers must labor today. They need our urgent prayer daily for Satan is trying to discourage them from being true and holy to their calling. Please hold up the hands of all true church leaders by praying for them, encouraging them with letters and words of appreciation, and by being faithful to all that God is calling you unto. By His choice (for God has always chosen the foolish things of this world to confound the wise) I am one of His representatives on this earth, and because of this speak for Him when I ask: "Won't you, dear one, this very moment determine with all the strength of your heart, soul, mind, and body to truly follow Jesus day by day and second by second in self-denial and obedience, the Lord being your Helper?" I can guarantee that you will never experience greater fulfillment than in this lowly walk with Jesus. If you were to hear the matchless voice of Jesus Himself audibly declare to you, "If you do not bear your cross and come after me, you cannot be my disciple..." --would you dare reply, "I know a better way"? And yet, that is what most persons have answered by the pattern of their lives since Jesus made known this minimum requirement of true discipleship two thousand years ago. But I urge each of you, as you are about to complete this humble pilgrimage--do not simply lay this book aside as another story. Whenever the Gospel of Jesus Christ is presented by the Holy Spirit, those hearing must make a decision. You choose now either to truly come after Jesus, the Son of God, by denying Self to take up God's will daily and follow the Holy Spirit--or you choose, as many have decided through the ages, to reject the Way of the Cross. The way of self-denial and the cross is not hard. Oh beloved, it is the very opposite! The way of the transgressor
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is hard. Following after God's perfect will is the only way of complete inner fulfillment. God will never mock his children by promising them the most consummate experience of Life, then deceive them into a dull and miserable existence. The great mystery hidden in the cross is that it is the door which opens to all life! This central truth of all living is so aptly captured in the marvelous hymn: Jesus, I my cross have taken... All to leave and follow thee; Destitute, despised, forsaken, Thou, from hence, my all shalt be: Perish every fond ambition, All I've sought or hoped, or known; Yet how rich is my condition: God and Heav'n are still my own! --Henry F. Lyte 1793-1847 This is a beginning for each of you reading this book-- whether you are a Sunday School teacher, plumber, secretary, machinist, nurse, mechanic, psychologist, minister, layman, or high school student. You are either beginning on the upward path of seeking first God's will and His Kingdom or you are beginning a darkening path towards self-desires which has already led millions and millions to heartbreak and eternal destruction. Which beginning are you choosing as you turn this final page? Important Notice to Each Reader of This Book We trust this first reading of A Voice in the Wilderness has strengthened and challenged your heart. May we humbly suggest that you read through it carefully once again before sharing this copy with a loved one or a friend? The primary purpose of sharing this pilgrimage is to alert the church to the absolute imperative of denying Self to obey the Lord Jesus. Because such an inner spiritual practice in daily life is so contrary to all the patterns of the earth, the Holy Spirit has revealed to Rev. Helm that most of us will need to re-read this book nine or ten times before this simple command from Jesus--to deny our own moment-by-moment desires in order to obey the promptings of the Holy Spirit--actually gets into our hearts and becomes a part of our interior lives.
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