That is all I said:  "I have come home to go with God."  But 
        that is saying a great deal.
        
             You see, I am not sharing this pilgrimage simply to  compile 
        a book.  I'm declaring what God has done.  He is the One who  has 
        accomplished  it.   I am striving only to exalt  Jesus,  to  make 
        known  what He has done for His Kingdom's work.  The Holy  Spirit 
        is  the  One  who has led this trusting  life  and  directed  its 
        activities.  So I honor Him for all these things.
        
             I  attempted  to  sleep  the remainder  of  the  night;  but 
        instead,  I  rolled and tossed on the banks of  accusation.   The 
        devil  was still flooding my thoughts with questions:  "Now  what 
        are  you going to do?  What will the elders say?  What will  your 
        father  and mother say?  You have broken their hearts.  You  have 
        shattered their lifelong dreams."
        
             This  was indeed true.  I had disappointed my  parents  more 
        than  anyone  could know.  They had hoped that  I  would  someday 
        become  the  well known and highly respected pastor  of  a  large 
        urban church.  I had been told by dear ones that I was one of the 
        young  ministers  who showed promise of a good  future.   Now  it 
        appeared  as  if  I  was turning my  back  on  everything.   Many 
        probably  wondered  how  I could ever expect to  advance  in  the 
        church unless I was well educated; and by leaving seminary, I was 
        throwing away the key to a successful ministry in the church.   I 
        had broken the hearts of many of my loved ones and close friends, 
        who had been expecting great things of me.  Very few understood.
        
             But my wife was not surprised.  She had known that God
        
163
       
        
        was  going  to do something.  Isn't it wonderful  that  the  same 
        Light which told me that she was mine, also let her know about me 
        and  some  areas  I  was passing  through?   It  seems  that  God 
        sometimes  informs her about situations before I am able to  tell 
        her or need to tell her.  Praise the Lord.
        
             I am so glad she didn't say, "Now look here--you get back to 
        school.  You straighten up and get hold of yourself!  We have  to 
        have  a  pastorate!  Don't go off on some  tangent  now!"   Often 
        people  will  try to straighten you out.  If I had  not  had  the 
        companion God knew that I needed, she might have been tempted  to 
        "bring me back to my senses," set me back in the order of  earth, 
        and  put  me on the next train back to Chicago.   Most  women,  I 
        believe, would have wanted to have a few explanations, at least.
        
             But my precious wife realized that there was a Higher  Power 
        than man doing this.  A Higher Authority than earth was  involved 
        in this.  (Hallelujah! I feel the power of God when I tell you "a 
        Higher  Authority  than earth was in this,"  Glory to  God!   The 
        Holy Spirit tells me now that this was true!  It is wonderful  to 
        have  God tell you with power that He was the One  directing  you 
        when everything seemed dark.  It is something to get happy about, 
        believe me!)
        
             When I awoke the next day, I went to see my District  Elder.  
        I  told him that I had stopped my seminary training.  Thinking  I 
        had either become discouraged with school or planned to drop  the 
        ministry,  he  said, "Son, you have a promising ministry  in  our 
        church.   Just  go over to this other seminary  and  finish  your 
        education."
        
             Of  course, I had no desire to leave the church or  to  stop 
        working  in  the church.  I loved every church then, and  I  love 
        them  more  now.  I love every church of Jesus  everywhere.   And 
        yet, some people say that I am out to divide churches.  They tell 
        that  I am out to take over churches.  It is difficult for me  to 
        believe  anyone would ever think such a thing, for all I want  to 
        do  is  walk  with God, to seek and do His  will.   I  am  simply 
        striving with all my might to help all people love
        
164
        
        
        Jesus  and their fellow man.  I have so little of Jesus, I  know.  
        I  need so much more of His love.  I cry out daily to  be  filled 
        more with the sacred Holy Spirit.
        
             The elder inquired, "What are you going to do?"
        
             I  answered, "My Brother, God is calling me.  He is  calling 
        me to trust Him."
        
             "What?" he replied.
        
             "God is calling me to trust Him," I repeated.
        
             "I don't know what you mean," he said.
        
             "Well, He has called me to trust Him," I told him again.
        
             His  demeanor  at once became deeply serious.   Solemnly  he 
        cautioned  me,  "Now  I will tell you,  Son--you  may  get  along 
        alright  someway if you go into this kind of life.  You may  make 
        it fairly well until you are forty-five.  But if you don't obtain 
        more advanced training, achieve more knowledge and wisdom--by the 
        time you are forty-five your ministry will start down."
        
             "Well,"  I  answered him, "God is calling me to  trust  Him.  
        That  is  all I know:  only trust Him and do His will."   I  knew 
        that unless God were leading, I would never make it to the age of 
        forty-five.
        
             I  am  unable  to explain what it was like  within  my  soul 
        during this time.  Nothing but naked faith supported my  decision 
        to live my life in absolute trust in Jesus.  There was no flow of 
        emotion to sustain me or carry me through.  Within and around  my 
        spirit there was a darkness that I am unable to describe; but, oh 
        --what  peace was in my soul.  I was happy in Jesus,  although  I 
        was  alone in the earth as I had never experienced aloneness.   I 
        was  in  a midnight walk of the soul all that week,  from  Monday 
        night through to the following Sunday night.
        
             That evening the church was nearly filled, for God had  been  
        doing  miracles  in this pastorate.  Twelve to fifteen  men  from 
        these churches truly loved us.  That evening, this chorus of  men 
        was  to  sing,  after which I was to preach.  Since  1933  I  had 
        preached by outline, and as I went into the pulpit that
        
165
        
        
        night,  I sensed so deeply my inability to present a  sermon.   I 
        felt that I knew no more how to declare God's Word than a four or 
        five-year-old boy.
        
             All  too soon the men finished singing.  I rose and  started 
        for the pulpit, not knowing what to do or what words to speak.  I 
        started  to say, "Oh, Father in Heaven...," when, suddenly I  was 
        on  the hand of God going up like an elevator!  The  darkness  of 
        that preceding week blew away like a cloud and I was in  sunrise!  
        God was taking me far up somewhere in His love and revelation.
        
             He  said, "My Son, you will preach tonight on: `I beseech
        you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that  ye present
        your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which
        is your reasonable service.  And be not conformed to this world:
        but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may 
        prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God.'"
        
             It seemed that my life was a funnel:  my mouth was the  tiny 
        spout  of this funnel and God was pouring His revelation  through 
        me in such a quantity that I couldn't talk fast enough to get  it 
        all  out.  He was pouring so much of Himself into my life that  I 
        couldn't contain it, and it was flowing over the sides.  I was so 
        thrilled with Jesus that I was all over the platform.  The  glory 
        of  God  was  evident  everywhere in  that  sanctuary  as  I  was 
        preaching  about going with God, doing God's will.  I was  trying 
        to  tell them how God is so sweetly beseeching us by His  mercies 
        every day to do only His will.
        
             I  was  striving  to  share  with  them  the  imperative  of 
        presenting ourselves holy unto God.  Jesus was preaching  through 
        me  that  we must be totally His, a complete sacrifice;  that  we 
        must  be  pure and undefiled; that this is  our  only  reasonable 
        service.  As He had never done before, God was moving me from one 
        side of the pulpit to the other, trying to get across His message 
        that  we must prove what is His good and acceptable  and  perfect 
        will.
        
             That's where God was taking me in His call to trust Him
        
166
        
        
        absolutely.  That night I started toward God's perfect  will. 
        
             My people had never before seen the anointing of God upon me 
        like that.  Jesus was preaching through me that we in the  church 
        are  living  a thousand miles below where God wants us  to  live.  
        "There are too many missing links!"  I cried.  "We are coming far 
        short of the will of God!  God wants to work in us.  He wants  to 
        have His way with us!"
        
             People were at the altar.  They were weeping and Heaven  was 
        all  around.  I had never preached like that in my life.   I  had 
        never  been in such a light like that.  It was the first  time  I 
        had  forsaken all the peoples of the age to go with God,  and  He 
        was  working  through me.  Glory!  Oh, the light  was  wonderful!  
        The darkness was gone and I wasn't alone.  For days I had  simply 
        believed and gone by faith.  God somehow helped me not to look at 
        the darkness or the hardships, but to look only to Him.
        
             (Now this what you want to do all the time.  Don't place 
        your  attention on any difficulties at any time.     Look 
        only  to Jesus through every circumstance.  Keep your eyes  fixed 
        upon Him constantly.  Maintain praise and adoration in your heart 
        even when you don't feel like it, when it is not easy to  praise.  
        We  will never be able to work out a single  situation  ourselves   
        anyway.   Leave the working-out to God and simply keep your  eyes 
        on Jesus, who is the Answer to every need and every problem.)
        
             My  people were weeping, and I was trying to tell them  that 
        God wants us to be faithful and true.  He doesn't want us hot and 
        then  cold,  up  and then down.  He wants us  to  be  consistent, 
        alive,  radiant,  rejoicing--through  every  situation  which  we 
        experience.  He wants us to be overcomers.
        
             I  had  discovered few Christians who  had  this  victorious 
        overcoming  experience.   I  didn't know  the  missing  links  in 
        Christianity then; but God has let me discover one or two of them 
        over  the years.  I learned that the  the missing link  which 
        connects  us to a continuous life as an overcoming  Christian  is 
        self-denial.    We must learn to deny Self in a heart  of 
        trust;
        
167
        

        for  then we move, through the leadership of the Holy Spirit,  to 
        obedience and the cross.
        
             We in the church can sing, preach, pray, read scripture,  go 
        along  with  the  religious program, and never  once  deny  Self.  
        Often, instead of depending on God to guide us, we plan a  little 
        of what we want to do, sing the songs we like to hear, and preach 
        when we want the preaching to take place.  We pretty much arrange 
        activities  which  suit our taste and conform  to  our  schedule.  
        But, you see, God wants all of the church's activities at His
        direction.  He wants to be all of the content of our program.
        Christ must have everything.     
        
             We  must wait on Him until He sends, until He guides,  until 
        He  reveals.  We must wait on Him so that He can lead the 
        church, lead the body, and become the true Head of his  believing 
        followers. 
        
             According  to  the scriptures, Jesus must be the Head of the
        Church.  If He isn't the Head of the body, it will be because He
        is not leading.  And when He is not leading, the body becomes  a
        headless body--a social organism incapable of sustaining life.
        Like a chicken with its head cut off, it thrashes around 
        meaninglessly in all directions and is unattractive to the world.
        
             God  has shown me that any congregation severs  itself  from 
        Jesus,  the true Head, simply by working out a religious  program 
        which  is  not led by the witness of the Holy  Spirit--even  when 
        that  program appears feasible, beneficial, and helpful  to  both 
        that church and the community.  This congregation may consist  of 
        apparently beautiful, religious people.  They may have  excellent 
        orthodoxy; they may preach conversion by the blood of Jesus; they 
        might have the finest Christian ethics; they may be well-informed 
        and well-trained; but, as yet, they simply have not waited on God 
        to  be  inwardly  crucified and learn the  leading  of  the  Holy 
        Spirit.
        
             Many  in the constituency of the churches today have a  fair 
        knowledge  of  fundamental  Christianity,  and  feel  comfortable 
        within the order of Sunday morning worship.  But I fear that
        
168
        
        
        there  are  not many who have pressed from conversion on  into  a 
        consistent experience of self-denial, willing to rely on God with 
        all their hearts, and striving to follow each leading of the Holy 
        Spirit.   In fact, in all of my travels, I have met very few  who 
        have waited on God sufficiently that they are able to discern the 
        Holy Spirit's guidance.
        
             In  the last few years, Jesus has begun to teach me that  He 
        has a plan for every occasion in which His children meet to  have 
        fellowship  and worship. It is absolutely essential that  we 
        get quiet long enough to discern that plan. Once we are 
        able to understand what He wishes and obey Him, then Jesus  truly 
        becomes the Guide, or the Head, of that group of believers.   The 
        Body of Christ begins to take on divine life when He is  actually 
        directing  the movements of His followers.  When He leads, it  is 
        like Heaven.  When He guides, God's Kingdom comes to earth.
        
             But if we as a congregation are not receiving His directions 
        and  doing what He says, then it is not God's  Kingdom  operating 
        within  the church structure--it is our own kingdom.  The  little 
        kingdoms  of  religious  activities,  which  we  often  construct 
        because we don't know what else to do, have no divine power.   As 
        sincere  as our efforts may be, our instigations are born of  the 
        earth, not of Heaven.
        
             A  multitude of sincere seekers will involve  themselves  in 
        these  church  activities  thinking they are  serving  God,  when 
        actually  they  are serving a man-made institution.  A  few  dear 
        ones  may even be genuinely converted through our  program;  but, 
        unfortunately,  most grow lukewarm and cold within a short  time, 
        because  they had no example of waiting on God, of denying  self, 
        of obeying Jesus.  If they remain, they often become followers of 
        the  mores  and  styles of the human-dictated  kingdom,  and  are 
        detoured from the true walk with God.
        
             Do you see how tragic it is going to be for us in the church 
        if  we  have  not permitted Jesus to be the actual  Head  of  our 
        congregation?  If we in the church have been working out
        
169
       
        
        programs  and services as we want them and think they should  be, 
        instead  of as Jesus desires, do you see what  terrible  judgment 
        will fall upon us?
        
             It is not an easy assignment for me to cry out like this  to 
        the  professed  Church.  But unless I make known  what  the  Holy 
        Spirit  has  revealed to me, I will be held accountable.   It  is 
        very  serious  to  call  ourselves "the Church"  if  we  are  not 
        striving with all our energies to deny Self and obey the leadings 
        of  the  Holy Spirit.  Unless Jesus is literally  directing
        the activities of any congregation just like the brain in our head
        controls our own human body, then that group of persons--as precious
        as they are--becomes a headless body.
        
             Are you gaining a little glimpse of how serious it is to  be 
        in the church?
        
             Dear ones, we must be for Jesus with all our hearts.  If  He 
        hasn't  been  absolutely first in everything we  have  sought  or 
        done, we will come short of His will.

             Jesus  said, "Not everyone that saith Lord, Lord, shall enter
        the Kingdom of heaven:  but He that doeth the will of my Father
        which is in heaven."  It is doing God's will absolutely in
        Christ that matters!   And we are to wait on Him until He
        makes His will clear to us.  We are not to work out anything or
        work up anything, but let Him work through us as He chooses.
        
             The  secret of God being able to work through His people  in 
        power  is simply this:  CEASE TO WORK IT OUT OURSELVES,  AND 
        LET  HIM WORK THROUGH US.   (Beloved, if you  can  digest 
        this  and get it into the muscle and bone of your inner  man,  it 
        will be worth more than the cost of all books ever sold;  because 
        it will introduce you to the mystery of God's will being done  in 
        earth as it is in Heaven.)
        
             Now  the Powers of the Air will not want you to get hold  of 
        this  in your heart.  They will minimize the depth of holy  truth 
        in  this little phrase.  Many will say to themselves,  "My, isn't 
        that interesting?" and then read on, looking for something a  bit 
        more exciting.
        
170
        
        
          But  God wants this feeble servant's life shared  just  for 
        this purpose:  that God's people might begin to learn this divine 
        secret.   We  are to cease trying to do God's work, and  let  Him 
        simply work through us His Kingdom.  
        
             Several of you may already be asking, "But how do I let  God 
        work through me?"
        
             First we must truly repent of all of our sins.  We must  ask 
        Jesus to forgive us and save us.  We must be converted and become 
        like a child.
        
             We  then  begin to let God work through us by  waiting  upon 
        Him.  Set aside a time each day, preferably before you begin your 
        day's  activities,  to  be alone with God.   It  may  be  fifteen 
        minutes  in duration; it could be one hour or more.  Simply  talk 
        to  God from your heart.  Tell Him how you love Him.   Read  some 
        scripture and meditate on it.  Especially be attentive to the 
        promptings  of  the  Holy  Spirit  while  you  are  waiting   and 
        listening. 
        
             As we begin to learn to wait upon Him, He will start to slay 
        us, refine us, and bring us into His likeness.  He will begin  to 
        remove the short circuits, the briars, and the stickers which are 
        hidden  in  our  natures and our  personalities:   these  harmful 
        things which ruin more seed than we could ever plant.
        
             As  we trust Him, He will teach us to rest in Him,  to  rely 
        upon Him, to really believe His Word.  We will learn to love  Him 
        more deeply and praise Him more frequently.
      
             Occasionally  He will send us on an errand:  perhaps we  are 
        to  speak to a neighbor about how wonderful Jesus is.  We  aren't 
        to argue or tell him that he is going to hell.  We are simply  to 
        tell him how precious Jesus has been to us.  Sometimes Jesus will 
        ask  us to stand in church and witness for Him.  He may  show  us 
        that  we  need to ask forgiveness of some person  for  our  wrong 
        attitudes.   As we are waiting, He will be showing us the  simple 
        steps of obedience and how to walk with Him.
        
             You  see, one doesn't learn to walk with God  overnight.   I 
        wouldn't dream of learning the Hebrew language in one day,
        
171
        
        
        in two weeks, or even in three months.  This is a walk with  God, 
        and  it is the highest privilege in the world.  There is much  to 
        know, and there are many lessons to learn.
        
             One of the first lessons God will teach us as we wait before 
        Him is that we can do absolutely nothing good in ourselves.   
        He  will  begin to show us that, until He leads, we can  only  do 
        damage  by our own attempts.   It may look as if much  is 
        being  lost and that something must be done, but simply  continue 
        trusting  until  He gives you guidance.  He can  do  more  in 
        seconds than men can do in centuries; and when He does it, it  is 
        done fully, beautifully, and lastingly. 
        
             Before  we  wait  too many hours in the secret  of  our  own 
        prayer  closet, He will teach us that His ways are not our  ways.  
        While  we are anxious to get things going, we will discover  that 
        God  moves  very slowly; yet, He moves swiftly when the  time  is 
        right.
        
             We will begin to observe that God has no set  patterns,  but 
        that He works in infinite variety.  We would like to set a scheme 
        to things.  But He will go to great lengths to demonstrate to  us 
        that  He is above our plans and our arrangements.  He  will  work 
        out  the  situations which face us in ways that  will  constantly 
        amaze and delight us.
        
             These are only a few of the lessons we may learn as we press 
        daily to seek God's face.  He will not come short of His promises 
        toward  us  if  we truly are striving to love Him  more  than  we 
        desire to do anything else on this earth.
        
             God revealed to me some years ago that He will send a mighty 
        World  Wide Revival that is truly of the Holy Ghost, once He  can 
        find  a body of believers who will truly begin to wait  upon  Him 
        and  put  Him absolutely first above everything of  earth.   This 
        Revival,  which  I  have been anticipating now  for  over  thirty 
        years,  will  not  come  by  fanaticism,  by  seeking  gifts  and 
        manifestations,  or by striving to gain power with God.  It  will 
         be  given  by the Holy Spirit in God's time as we seek  only  His 
        will and His love in Jesus Christ.  This mighty
        
172
        
        
        work  of  righteousness to come is His, not ours.   We  are  only 
        the sheep of His pasture.
        
             God  wants  to give us His Kingdom.  The secret  is:   Cease 
        from arranging our lives and permit Him to operate through us  as 
        He  wishes:   in  a  simple life of trust  and  obedience;  in  a 
        consistent, continual denial of self-desires without variation or 
        vacation.
        
173